i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
