She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
