Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
