Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
