Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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