Where did you get a picture of my penis
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm always down for nudity.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize