my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
