Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
