Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
