WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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