fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
