she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
