he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
