shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
