dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
