ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He shit in the fireplace
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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