he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
