You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we should paint friendship bongs
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
