3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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