i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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