The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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