Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
