4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
