If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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