You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
