According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
