first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
