Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
