Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this boner is exhausting
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize