Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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