i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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