are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
