bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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