Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
