It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
