I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
we're so committed to being not committed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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