Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
