Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
