Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
