I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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