Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Buhtt sex?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
