Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
