He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
