Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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