Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
