I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
