What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
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while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize