Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
