Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
