i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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