I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
