I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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