Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
