i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
