I'm passing your future prison.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
