It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
