Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
