Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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