she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
