the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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