VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
