Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
