this just has baby written all over it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
