a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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