Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
