3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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