I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
