i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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