I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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