So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every concussion has its silver lining
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
