So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
