i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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