i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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