My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
