I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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