Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
