1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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