Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
