I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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