It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im holly from the hills drunk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
