im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
