it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
